


Rotten Voices, Hollow Words

by baccuroth (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-28 03:52:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2717831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/baccuroth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is visited by a couple old friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rotten Voices, Hollow Words

"Finally getting rid of these floorboards. Remember how they’d squeak like mad when you’d sneak into my bunk at night?"

There was shared laughter, the rest of the conversation lost as Levi passed. Years had dissolved into memory since he’d had business there, but he wanted to see the last place his friends had lived.

Going into the room he had shared with Isabel and Farlan was asking too much. He was glad it was full of sweaty, smelling soldiers who were taking the bunks and wardrobes apart.

With the titan scourge removed and the proper queen on the throne, new avenues opened up and the barracks were being renovated for a less bellicose purpose.

"Huh."

Levi scanned the area, missing the curious exhalation.

"What is that?"

"It looks like a doll. But, it doesn’t have a face."

The young man stood from his crouched position and a crowd formed around him. Levi was already heading for them, pushing through the taller figures until he saw it.

* * *

Rain from Sina always drifted down into the slums, creating puddles of mud that stained his carefully-cleaned cloak.

He didn’t have time for this. He really didn’t. But he also couldn’t leave the girl there to freeze or starve. She clutched something to her chest but Levi didn’t have time to see what it was.

"Keep up. Come on." His words pulled her along as much as his firm grip.

"I can’t! My legs are too short!"

"Mine aren’t much longer."

They made it to his house before the rain really came down. Levi would never make the mistake of getting caught in an underground downpour again.

Levi removed his own cloak, grimacing at the shit-colored spatters across the hem of his cloak.

"It makes a pretty design."

The girl reached out, clutching the object to her chest as the fingers of her other hand hovered over the abstract pattern of mud.

"Nonsense," Levi muttered.

He knelt down and tugged.

She squirmed, face screwed up in mirth. He flicked her nose and she grew still.

"What is this?"

He touched the thing in her hands.

"This is Pepper."

It was a cloth doll, it’s only decoration a messy spray of dark hair.

"She’s filthy," Levi’s eyes glanced up at her face, "as is your face. Would you like a bath?"

"With warm water?"

"Yes."

Her eyes went wide.

"Oh, yes. Yes, please, sir." She tugged at the bands tying her hair into identical ponytails and shook her head vigorously. "Lead the way!"

* * *

That was how Levi met Isabel. The doll had been forgotten for a time, Isabel soaking up the water’s rare warmth, but it had slept with her that night on Levi’s small bed while he had kept watch. He hadn’t even learned her name until he had pulled her hair back into fluffy twin tails and made her a bowl of oatmeal with the honey he had been saving for his morning cup of tea.

"Oh, sir!" Everyone forgot about the doll and looked at him. The young man who had found the doll straightened his spine and looked as if he were about to salute.

Levi held out a hand and the doll was placed in his palm as if it were a rare treasure. For Levi, it was. He had always wondered what happened to it.

"Back to work," he mumbled, turning away as "sir, yes, sir!" rang into the rafters.

It felt like something was sitting on Levi’s chest, restricting his breathing and turning his thoughts toward darkness.

The doll’s dress - a rough affair, Levi knew - was long gone but it still wore the necklace Farlan had woven by hand.

He turned it over and around, looking for anything that might tell him why Isabel had hidden the doll in the floorboards or why it still looked as if Isabel had just stumbled into his life. Even the doll’s left foot was stained with the mud that had spattered across the hem of his cloak.

Levi returned to his rooms, a suite that had been given to him only a month before. Victory still fragranced the air like ripening fruit and the survey corps had been lauded as heroes. There was more room than he would ever need, but Erwin was nearby and that was what made Levi accept the accommodations.

He kept the doll tucked under one arm, nodding at passersby who greeted him on such a fine day.

The road suddenly seemed like an unhinged mouth, swallowing him down with its cobblestone tongue. He had to stop once to catch his breath, cursing himself for the absurdity of the situation.

It was only a doll. Nothing more.

Noon peaked and then passed and Levi was left to steep a rare blend of tea, the doll propped against the kettle.

He drank slowly, eyes half-closed. The doll’s blank face stared into him.

"How could you, Levi? How could you let us die?" It was the voice of ghosts, rotten and hollow. "We should be there with you."

Levi’s eyes snapped open. The lid of his kettle was off and the doll reached one sack cloth arm in, stained dark brown.

* * *

"This one."

Isabel held up a large scrap of cloth. Levi thought it might have belonged to a ball gown, long since discarded for one of a newer fashion. It was a rich shade of mauve, a cluster of beadwork where it had been attached to the rest of the gown. Levi knew he would need to reinforce it if it was going to be a part of the doll’s dress.

He sewed quickly, fingertips reddened from the bite of the needle. Isabel guided him, chin resting on the heels of her hands.

"Oh!"

"What?"

"It’s perfect!"

Isabel tore the swatch from his hands and began to dress the doll. “There, Pepper.” She held the doll up to the light, dancing the doll amidst the motes of dust. “Thank you, Levi.”

She pressed a kiss to his cheek and wandered off, leaving Levi to turn his face away. It burned with a flush.

* * *

Levi dined with Erwin that night, by candlelight. Historia’s administration had already set about reorganizing food production and distribution and the survey was gorging themselves upon thick cut steaks with garlic butter and a rich cheesecake that people described as a gift from the goddesses.

"Are you alright?"

Erwin wiped his mouth on a napkin. The candlelight played off his face, highlighting the dramatic sweep of his cheekbones.

The end of battle had been hard on Erwin but the color was returning to his face and the stern set of his face was already softening.

"I’m fine."

Erwin set his fork down and Levi couldn’t stop a scowl from settling across his features. Damn Erwin for reading him so well.

"There’s a lie if I ever heard one."

"It’s nothing. Really. I’m having a hard time adjusting to this." He motioned around the room. Erwin was already collecting books that had been banned under the old regime. It seemed a world apart from when Levi had joined the survey corps with…

"Are you sure?"

Levi tried for the softness of a smile. “Yes.”

Erwin wanted to say more - Levi could read him just as well - but he only returned to his meal.

He didn’t say anything when Levi cut his food into smaller and smaller pieces, moving it around his plate as if he had been eating.

After helping clear everything away, Erwin pulled him onto his lap. “You’ve been off today, but I won’t press you. You know I’m here for you.”

"I do."

Erwin searched his eyes for a long time before deciding that Levi did know.

Levi kissed him with all the sweetness he could muster. After what he had been through, Erwin deserved only goodness.

"I’ll see you at breakfast?"

Levi nodded. “Good night, Erwin.” He gave him one last kiss. Just because, he told himself. For good measure.

* * *

Black tea continued to soak into the doll, staining the pristine cloth a muddled brown. Levi walked past, hanging his jacket over the chair at his desk, and into the bathroom.

He splashed water on his face, relishing the indoor plumbing, and stared long into the mirror.

Something flickered at the edge and Levi blinked it away, whisking a hand through the air as if tangled in spider’s silk.

He washed the doll, scrubbing at the tea and mud, until his fingertips wrinkled.

"I left her for you."

The same rotting voice.

The necklace came undone, curling in Levi’s palm like a small grass snake. It seemed to burn him but Levi only stared, watching the clear water wind down the drain.

* * *

Farlan’s fingers had always been nimble so the doll’s necklace proved short work for him.

Isabel watched as if enchanted. Farlan slipped beads onto the thread and soon there was a necklace the color of sunshine, sparkling as he turned it in the light for Isabel to see.

Her mouth formed a sweet oh of delight.

"Here you are, milady Pepper." He tied it around the doll’s neck with a great deal of pomp and Isabel hugged the doll to her chest.

"Thank you," she said with uncharacteristic shyness. She brought the doll up where it pressed a peck of a kiss to Farlan’s cheek.

* * *

"Leave me alone," Levi hissed at nothing.

"You know who I am, big brother."

"Fuck off!"

Levi turned over in bed, wishing he had taken Erwin up on his ‘sleeping over’ offer.

Something tugged at the edge of his quilt and Levi stilled.

"Please." The voice was that of a child. "Don’t send me away. I don’t like it where I am."

There was little moonlight to bleed through the open curtains but Levi saw it.

Levi knew Isabel’s shape by sight but this one had been reduced to rags. It seemed no more than a waif, the sail of an abandoned ship fluttering the winds of an oncoming storm.

He swallowed dryness, closed his eyes, opened them again. The figure had drawn nearer.

"Big brother."

The whistle of a boiling kettle.

Levi thought of the doll’s arm, drinking up the rare blend.

"I miss you, big brother. Do you miss me?"

Something slapped him, hard and cold. When he looked again, the room was empty. Levi touched his cheek. It burned. When he stumbled into the bathroom, the mirror showed the faint imprint of a hand that faded as he watched.

* * *

Levi slept alone for the next three days and rarely saw Erwin, who didn’t understand his withdrawal but gave Levi the space he seemed to need. In all their years together, both as comrades and later as lovers, Erwin knew better than to stir Levi up when he wanted to be left to simmer with his thoughts.

In those three days, the doll dried and Levi slowly slipped into a strange complacency that terrified him. He cancelled any appointments he had and stayed in bed until he realized that was where he had seen her. His suite of rooms was spacious but there was only so much pacing, so much cleaning he could do. Tea and food became ash upon his tongue. The flush of victory had long left his cheeks.

He was certain things were moving without his knowledge.

As with most of the survey corps members, Levi owned little. What sentimental trinkets could someone have from a life spent fighting? The few things he did have - a journal, a small collection of books erwin had gifted him, and a horse carved from a piece of beautiful green stone - weren’t where he had left them. Levi knew this. The books weren’t on the shelves and he had found the statuette on the floor next to his nightstand. At least his journal had been left alone. He thought it had been. For all Levi knew anymore, opening it would reveal a new set of horrors.

His bedside lamp burned throughout the night.

Levi’s dreams were dark and deep as a forest, but he sensed nothing sinister in them. Erwin moving from tree to tree with his gear, looking back at Levi with a smile he only showed Levi.

"Chase me," these dreams said.

Levi did and he only found bliss at the end of them.

The mornings were growing cold and Levi stretched the soreness from his limbs before dressing. Breakfast was left outside his door, announced with a trio of knocks, but it was hard to choke down even a spoonful of oatmeal.

He had used his ration of honey for the day to stir into Isabel’s breakfast to make her smile that first morning.

"Such dark thoughts."

The voice worked its way into Levi’s head like a fine piece of metal.

"Do think you should have been swallowed as well?"

This one was new, deeper and more introspective.

"Smashed? Crushed? Torn apart? You know as well as anyone that titans do more than just swallow their prey."

Levi picked up the steaming bowl on his breakfast tray and threw it. It shattered, sticky as drying blood, on the far wall.

Something touched his shoulder and Levi flinched. It was the same hand that had slapped him, trying to dig through his skin and find the bone. He spun away, hand swatting at the air, until his toes caught the edge of the rug and he fell to one knee. The pain was electric and his cry was lost in the laughter clouding the room like a thunder storm.

"Poor brother."

Once the laughter had ceased and Levi was able to stand, he saw that the doll had fallen to the floor, staring up at him with its vacant face.

* * *

He went out that day, wrists working at his sides as he walked. Every question directed at him was ignored. His shoes beating out a rhythm on the cobblestones soothed him and the road no longer seemed like a hungry mouth intent on swallowing him whole.

The deepening days caressed his cheeks and nipped the tip of his nose to redness. It reminded him of his dreams where he chased Erwin through the forest. Even the smell was there, sap and the scented water Erwin splashed on after shaving each morning.

He took a late lunch at a small restaurant and protested when the proprietor refused to accept his coin as payment and sent him on his way with a small bag of tea cookies as well.

To his surprise, Levi managed to remain civil in the presence of Nile and his children and answered every question with admirable patience.

The day passed with a melancholy ease and his guilt deepened as he took side roads to avoid his friends. He even caught sight of Erwin and ran until he was breathless.

It was a gift to return to his rooms that night despite their reeking of opulence. When he’d been younger, it was all he wanted, to live on the surface. Now that he was here - in Sina, nonetheless - it felt suffocating and excessive.

Isabel and Farlan deserved this; not him.

At least, he thought, they deserved to be alive.

When he turned down the sheets, one day turning to the next, he was greeted by a severed head. Its red hair was soaked with mud and the once-beautiful eyes had been eaten away. The mouth moved around broken teeth.

"bigbrotherbigbrotherbigbrotherbigbrother."

Levi stepped back in revulsion, the sheets slipping from his fingers to pool on an empty bed. When he lifted them again, the indent remained.

He slept on the reading chair, curled into himself. The smaller he became, Levi supposed, the harder it would be for them to find him, whatever they were.

* * *

It took nearly a week for him to climb into his own bed again. The sheets were clean and cool and he slipped beneath the rocking waves of sleep moments after lying down.

He dreamed of dark trees and deep waters. The world was empty but for him and the sky burst into the flames of a new morning. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

An arm crept around him, warm and strong.

He hadn’t heard Erwin enter but Levi was grateful for the company.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so distant lately.”

Levi spoke from the depth of his dreams. He even smiled as the hand touched the center of his chest. It was large and perfect.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Levi was pulled into reality by his hair and the pain shot down to his toes.

He kicked out, tearing the sheets loose.

A rotting arm held him, cracked nails caked with gore. The smell - worms and fire and something like vinegar - made him gag.

“Ssh, Levi. Sssssssh.”

Farlan’s voice caressed his ear like a lover’s would. He knew, if he looked, that Farlan’s face would lack all its boyish beauty.

The flesh disintegrated under Levi’s fingers as he clawed to free himself and there was a sharp crack as his foot connected with shin.

Farlan laughed. It was a gross sound, bubbling filth from some dark place.

Levi stumbled off his bed, paralyzed hands searching for the door handle in the dimness. When he looked back, Levi saw that Farlan’s right arm lay where he had been. His hair hung in patches from his skull and his lips had peeled back to reveal blackened teeth.

“Why the scared face, Levi?”

His feet took him to Erwin and his fist was only able to pound on the door twice before it swung open.

He was shirtless, eyes half closed. In the poor light of the hallway, his skin looked waxen.

Something like terror screwed Levi’s mind up tight at the thought of his old friends visiting Erwin. He settled back into his healthy self after shaking off the mantle of sleep.

“Erwin. Erwin. I… there’s-” He took Erwin’s hand and pulled him down the hall.

“What’s going on?” Erwin’s jaw cracked with a yawn.

“I am not making this up. There’s-”

His door had been left open. Everything in the room was in its place. There was no rotting arm. The sheets had been kicked aside, but that was all.

“No. No! He was here. He was fucking here!”

“Come on.” It took Erwin all his strength to get Levi into the hallway. “You must have had a nightmare.”

“I’m not a damn kid, Erwin. He was in there!”

Erwin had never been one to coddle Levi but he listened patiently as Levi babbled on the way back to his room, nodding or saying “Yes” or “Of course.”

“You’ll stay here for a few hours. You obviously haven’t been sleeping much lately.”

“Yes, I have,” Levi mumbled.

He allowed Erwin to manhandle him into bed, turning in Erwin’s arms when he tried to curl around him from behind him. Levi pillowed his head on Erwin’s arm. Erwin smelled of ink and sweet sweat. He breathed in greedily, banishing Farlan’s reek.

“When are you going to talk to me? I’m not the only one who’s noticed that you’ve haven’t been yourself. I can’t help unless I know what’s wrong.”

Levi’s fingertips sought out the warmth of Erwin’s bare chest. “You’ll think I’ve gone mad.”

Erwin pressed his lips together. There was so much he wanted to say, but Levi was asleep when he looked down into his face. Pressing a kiss to Levi’s forehead, Erwin tried to find rest.

* * *

“It’s good of you to join us, captain!”

Levi didn’t know who said this but he raised his glass regardless and drained it.

Erwin’s hand was heavy on his shoulder but Levi didn’t mind the weight.

He didn’t know what they were celebrating. It might have been something minor. In these days after the titan scourge had been eradicated and some order set to the functioning of the city, everything was worth commemorating.

Erwin escorted him back to his room, closing the door behind him with a soft sound. The bed had been dressed with clean sheets and an open window let in a stiff breeze to sweep the mustiness from the room.

Levi went into the small kitchenette to make tea while Erwin looked around him, wiping a finger over a surface and being uninspired that there wasn’t a speck of dust to be found. When he returned, tray in hands, Erwin was fidgeting with something. He turned toward Levi with a sly smile.

“I didn’t know you were into dolls.” Erwin held it up.

Levi had completely forgotten about the faceless doll.

“It was Isabel’s.” He swallowed around the dryness in his throat. “I made a dress for her years ago, but it’s long gone.”

Erwin’s brow creased. “She is wearing a dress.”

Levi set the tray down. “No, she isn’t. She’s stained as well.”

Erwin turned it around in his hand. “No. The face is a bit smudged, but-”

Levi tore it from him.

The doll had a face and wore a dark blue dress. It looked nothing like Isabel’s doll. It even lacked Farlan’s necklace.

“Maybe you had too much to drink. Here. Have some tea. I’ll see you in the morning, alright? Try and get some sleep. Please?”

Levi let Erwin take the doll from him and he didn’t look up until long after the door had closed.

His hands looked no different than usual, but he studied them intensely.

“You’re worrying him, big brother. You shouldn’t worry the ones you love.”

Levi dug the heels of his hands against his eyes and rubbed viciously.

“Or get them killed.”

“Enough!” Levi kicked the table and the tea service scattered on the floor like silvery drops of rain. “Leave me alone! Please!”

Before, Levi could escape them by looking away. He had no such luck this time. Isabel sat on the window seat, legs swinging. Farlan picked up the tea set, a broken saucer cutting his hand. He sucked the thick, black blood into his torn mouth. Isabel stroked her own hair, head in her lap.

Levi’s breaths were harsh, air cutting into his lungs like a dozen blades. He blinked hard and Farlan stared at him. Isabel stood and her head rolled onto the floor, forgotten.

Levi threw whatever his hands came upon and Farlan vanished in the wake of books. Isabel flared in the light of the lamp until it sputtered and exploded on the window seat.

He tore the room to splinters, fingers bleeding and numb. Something tried to climb its way up his throat but he forced it back down. Whether it was bile or a scream, Levi didn’t know.

His hands cramped around the doorknob but he threw himself forward, into the inky black of night. It had begun to snow and Levi was ill-dressed for the change in weather. He paid the cold no mind. He preferred its death grip to Farlan’s cracked nails or Isabel’s eyeless face.

* * *

The snow swallowed him, playing tricks with his mind, which was saying something considering what he’d been seeing in his rooms for the last several weeks. He pressed forward, holding a hand up when slivers of frost blew into his eyes.

Words resounded in his ears and he tried to wave them off with his hands, only to cough when the cold air entered his lungs.

Levi swore loudly. He didn’t know how long he’d been walking but there was little light to see by and his fingers had grown numb long ago.

“Levi.”

“Go away.”

“Levi.”

It was spoken like a song, reaching into his mind like something tangible.

“Levi!”

It was neither Isabel nor was it Farlan. The voice was new, one that had only ever given him comfort.

At least someone had come looking for him.

“Erwin!”

Levi couldn’t tell where the voice was coming from. All he could see was snow.

The crunch and squeak of boots. The faint outline of an approaching figure.

He hoped Erwin had brought a coat for his stupid, frozen ass.

Erwin emerged fully-formed and crystalline clear from the storm. He wore slacks and a dress shirt. Levi frowned.

“Why are you-”

“Why are you out here?”

Levi felt as ashamed as he felt cold; he was numb with it. he thought he might have been working his fingers mechanically, searching for an explanation to pluck from the air.

“Levi.”

“Will you let me think for a moment?”

The fingers around Levi’s throat said no. They dug into his flesh like blades, cutting off oxygen and forcing Levi to look up into Erwin’s face.

It was blank as a doll’s, as Isabel’s had been. There was a placidity in his eyes that Levi had never seen before, even in the midst of plot or battle. That in itself was terror.

Erwin’s grip tightened as Levi struggled, rising onto the tips of his shoes when Erwin’s hand began to lift up.

“Big brother doesn’t deserve love.”

Levi didn’t hear the ghost’s voice. The life was being wrung from him at his lover’s hand. He couldn’t see a more fitting end than that.

The wind picked up, scattering the snow and Erwin alike.

Levi fell to his knees, hands around his own throat. They slipped into his lap and he took in a wheezing breath.

Collapsing onto his side, Levi waiting for the storm to take him, to end all of this.

He was tired and wanted sleep, an eternal rest where he wouldn’t have to think anymore. At least, he deserved that. Didn’t he?

“Levi!”

He didn’t hear the voices or the hooves cleaving the snow with confident strides.

There was only Isabel’s and Farlan’s voices in his ear, taunting him as the cold closed in like some terrible, tangible thing.

* * *

The voices that filtered into Levi’s consciousness were neither Isabel’s or Farlan’s.

It was mostly Hanji, their concern apparent.

“He’s lucky we found him when we did.”

Erwin hummed and Levi, even in half-sleep, could feel the weight and heat of his gaze.

“If he’d been out for a few more minutes-”

“Yes,” Erwin interrupted. “I’m sure you have other things to do. I’ll watch over him and keep you updated on his condition.”

“Thank you, Erwin.”

The door closed behind them.

There was a long silence. Levi filled it by plucking at the quilt spread across his knees.

"Mind telling me why you wandered out into a storm? I’ll leave out the fact that you did so without proper attire."

He had never been one to skirt issues and Levi pushed himself up to rest against the headboard. His throat felt raw, scrubbed with glass, and he reached feebly for the glass of water on the bedside table.

Erwin helped and chided him when Levi tried to push his hand away.

"Well? Was it the same reason you destroyed your room?"

"I don’t know!"

Erwin took a deep breath in and let it out through his nose. “I’m sorry. I-” He stood suddenly and stalked to his wardrobe to pull down another blanket. “I’m being unnecessarily cruel.”

Levi noticed he was being unnecessarily gentle as well, tucking the blanket up to Levi’s chin. His fingers lingered on the dark spots swelling across his throat.

"Levi."

Levi looked away.

Erwin continued to caress his skin, causing something to curl inside him.

It had been some time since they’d been together. Levi wanted Erwin inside him, scouring him clean, scooping out the madness like cupped palms saving some small creature from a clear stream.

"I miss you. What’s going on?"

“I can’t explain it. Erwin, I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

Levi spoke haltingly, staring at his hands. He left so much out. Erwin listened with patience, nodding when appropriate. If anyone could understand what Levi was feeling, it would be Erwin.

Even this seemed too much and Levi saw so much of it pass over him. He probably thought Levi was exhausted.

Erwin’s mouth rested warm and tongue-wet against his temple.

"Rest," he whispered, pressing Levi back onto the pillows. "I’ll be back tonight and we’ll have dinner together."

Levi watched Erwin go with detachment.

* * *

"Have you rested enough?"

Isabel’s voice was tender and Levi paid no mind to the bodies in bed with him. Farlan’s head rested on his stomach and Isabel had Levi’s head pillowed on her shoulder, stroking a rotting claw of a hand through his hair.

"Yes."

They were gentle this time, not prying into his mind but easing in like something comforting and warm.

"Would you miss us if we left, Levi?"

Farlan looked up at him, inquisitive as a child. As curious as Levi imagined a young Erwin being.

"Of course. I’ve always missed you."

Isabel’s fingers felt so good in his hair. Soon, it would be dinner time and maybe they would leave him long enough to enjoy a meal with Erwin, his greatest love, the star he had followed since emerging from underground.

"We miss you too."

Their voices blended together like the smoke of a burning city, beautiful and devastating.

Levi dreamed, lucid and terrifying. They died over and over again and he was forced to watch.

"Why do I have to die?" their faces said.

Levi didn’t have an answer. He knew so little, and he hated it.

* * *

Reading had always been a luxury he could rarely afford. He liked the smell and feel of the page. Even paper cuts, the sudden swell of blood to the surface, were enjoyed when he was ensconced in a world far away from his own.

Of everything that had been found after the titans were done away with, Levi searched for every medical text he could get his hands on. He considered asking Hanji but given how Erwin treated him, Levi knew it would be with gloves on and he was a grown man. He could find his own answers to what was going on in his mind.

He used a chair to reach the thick tome on the top shelf. Its leather cover creaked with age and Levi feasted on it. His fingers shook with each turned page.

"Brain," he read slowly. "Transorbital."

There were diagrams. A thin metallic object inserted into the eye. The sound of tearing cloth.

Nepenthe. Forgetfulness. Peace.

Levi bit his lip, smoothing a hand over the page. “Stop the voices, yes. Peacepeacepeace, big brother.”

"Levi."

Farlan’s bony fingers wove a dress for a doll that no longer existed.

"Big brother."

Isabel’s head sat jaunty as a pet in her lap, hollow eyes blinking.

"Ssh. Sssssssssh."

Erwin would return from dinner soon.

Farlan and Isabel would be gone by then.

Everything would be okay.

'Everything,' Levi thought.

* * *

The sun baked the city as they left, slipping away without a proper farewell. Erwin knew Levi didn’t have any answers for what had happened. Perhaps he would find them in the wilds but that wasn’t his concern now.

Levi stared from the top of the hill. His right eye was bandaged and he stared at the city with the other blankly.

Erwin put a gentle hand on his shoulder. He pressed a kiss to Levi’s hair.

“I meant what I said. We never have to go back.”

Levi nodded with bovine tranquility before turning away from the city.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i imagine levi had a lot of guilt concerning his friends’ deaths and was never able to deal with it properly. after everything ended, all of that guilt came vomiting back up and levi was ill-prepared to deal with it. while everything involving isabel and farlan is in levi’s mind, it’s up to the reader to decide what levi did or did not do to himself in the end. thanks to my beta, nanna, for putting this utter madness into some kind of order.
> 
> read more stuff by me [here](http://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/baccuroth/works).


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